Christopher Nolan Sucks; Wall-E; Thank God for Indies

Okay. So Christopher Nolan is one of those modern filmmakers who really sucks majorly at making things not suck. You may remember him as the writer/director of 2006’s cinematic crudbucket The Prestige, or 2000’s disgustingly pointless Memento. More recently he’s been the head honcho behind the next generation of Batman movies, first with Batman Begins (which I have yet to see but have heard great things about) and now with the ultra-hyped Dark Knight.

Douchebag

Douchebag

If one thing can be said about Christopher Nolan, it’s that his films are INSANELY popular with the mass American audience. I’m not exactly sure why, but I think it has to do with his dark style and tendency for plot twists; two things which will make the common movie goer think that what they are seeing is “cool.” But seriously, Nolan’s films have RIDICULOUS support from Internet users and the typical person. For example, on IMDB.com, where everyone can rate a film on a 1-10 scale, Batman Begins is currently averaged at an 8.3 and is the 103rd highest rated movie of all time; The Prestige is the 84th highest rated movie of all time, and Dark Knight is astoundingly the 3rd best movie of all time according to the IMDB polls.

This means that all but TWO of his films are considered by the Internet using public to be better, as they are higher rated, than such great films as The Bicycle Thief (#108), The Wizard of Oz (#115), Fargo (#116)(!!!!!!), Annie Hall (#129), The Deer Hunter (#137), Platoon (#139), The Graduate (#157) and many, many more. What do these outrageous statistics tell us? For one, that ratings based on public opinion are utterly useless… It also helps to illustrate how crapfests so shoddy and terrible as those by Christopher Nolan receive WAY more support than they deserve. But, since they keep making loads of money.. I think he’ll have plenty of work to come (greaaaaat).

- THE DARK KNIGHT – (2008 – PG13)

Dir:Christopher Nolan; Star:Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart
The super-hyped blockbuster of the summer, featuring subject and aura as dark as its title that will surely rake in hundreds of millions worldwide. Bruce Wayne/Batman (oh crap I blew his cover!) must fight his reputation as well as the vile Joker, who plans to reveal batman’s identity by killing innocent civilians eventually to bring chaos to Gotham city in the end. The screenplay, while featuring a clever idea for a superhero movie -one that questions the heroic qualities of the lead, is so convoluted and repressively concealing that it’s hard to become absorbed by the story at all. It’s essentially the screenwriter’s pretentious, dark fantasy that they never really feel like sharing completely with the audience, leaving a whirlwind of turns that never feel substantial or effective. They set up certain emotions, ideas, and characters, and then smash them away, kill them, or manipulate them before shoving them back in your face again. Not to mention the countless holes, unanswered questions, and ridiculously inexplicable character “developments.” This is augmented by the dark plot and cinematography, which cast a deadly depressing shadow on everything. All this is then sustained for an unrelenting two and a half hours. These are essentially the same problems that plagued Nolan’s repressively bad The Prestige, although without the magical… electricity cloning… hats… yeah… Both films caused me to laugh, not at actual jokes but at the development and pacing itself due to its awkward misuse. The editing is also questionable here, as several shots lose their meaning when they are too quickly cut away in an attempt to be “stylistic.” The result is just distracting; there were even several discontinuity errors in many of the conversations… Nevertheless, the raison d’etre is Heath Ledger, who in the role that arguably killed him is outstanding as the diabolical maniacal joker. I have a feeling that perhaps 30% of the revenue this film earns will be because of this performance, as many people I know plan on seeing it just “because of Heath.” It’s pretty much worth it too, as he transforms himself fully for this role and embodies it better than anyone before. Many people are tossing around the idea of a best supporting Oscar nod here, and it wouldn’t be the first time one was received posthumously (Peter Finch in Network). Like in all of Nolan’s films, the production values are enormous. It seems as though they throw in everything but the kitchen sink to try to wow the summer audience. It even features the same voice-over with overused “inspirational”-building musical score for the ending as used in The Prestige and by golly it didn’t work then and it doesn’t work now. It feels manipulative and unsupported. This could have been a great movie… Except the writing, direction, and tone are just so darkly poor that it is never really enjoyable or praiseworthy. All in all, it’s another example of Christopher Nolan screwing up an interesting concept as both the writer and director, despite having all the funding and thespian support, resulting in my unwaivering desire to punch him in the face.
Introducing the new Keyword thing! i feel like adding a section to reviews with keywords that help to define the movie as a whole, including things like historical significance, high production values, high creative values, etc that can help define the movie.
Keywords:
Overlong, Dark, Brooding, Depressing, Convoluted, Great Ensemble Cast, Memorable Performance, High Production Value (Big Budget), Pretentious, Overpopular, Hi-Tech, Sadistic, Oppresive.

- WALL-E – (2008 – G)

Dir:Andrew Stanton; Star-Robots and Pixar Regulars
Pixar has always set the industry standard for quality in computer animation. They did, after all, begin the genre with Toy Story. Wall-E is no exception; the production is squeaky clean and second to none. It’s also remarkably unique for a Pixar movie, in that the first 30 minutes or so feature no dialogue whatsoever. The next thirty minutes feature only robot dialog with a two word vocabulary. WALL-E, the little trash compacter that could, happily goes about his daily routine in post apocalyptic earth where the world has succumbed to giant piles of garbage and extinction level pollution. Every day he naively tidies a section of trash. One day, a strange robot from space named Eve visits earth. Wall-E soon becomes infatuated with it and begins to follow it around. Charming, naive, robot romance ensues, eventually leading to outer space. The Pixar team manage to squeeze about every ounce of emotion out of the hunk of metal that is Wall-E as possible, predictably personifying the non -iving as they did in Toy Story or Cars. There is a certain timeless feel to the dialog-less segment of the film, bringing back memories and techniques lost in the silent age. This is also the most politically charged Pixar film, with a clear message about the environment and the state of human fitness (the humans are portrayedas amorphous whale like blobs..). The graphical quality is astounding, and computer animated garbage has never been so awe-inspiringly rendered. Wall-E is a movie that I really wanted to, and tried to love. I connected with the little robot, but eventually grew tired of his one act performance. Everything seems a little too predictable, and the characters, while uniquely approached, are never entirely lovable. By the end I found that I was not all that concerned with the plight of the little robot and his newly found yet undeveloped robot friends (this is essentially a two character movie). I give tremendous kudos to Pixar for the audacity to create a film as terse as this while still retaining and reigniting many long lost forms of entertainment, but I found that it was not as developed or sympathetic as it could have been. Perhaps more dialog would have helped? Or a less by-the-numbers plot? Nevertheless, WALL-E is an enjoyable film with a significant environmental message that you may or may not fall in love with.
Keywords:
Animated, High Production Values, Aesthetically Pleasing, Charming, Cute, Political, Terse, Underdeveloped, Simplistic, Timely, Funny.

- THE VISITOR – (2008 – PG13)

Dir: Thomas McCarthy; Star:Richard Jenkins, Haaz Sleiman
Deceptively simple story of a disillusioned, widower professor who moves back to his unused apartment in New York City to find an immigrant couple living there. Rather than kick them out, he allows them to stay out of loneliness, and he soon develops complex and interesting relationships with them. He even learns to play African drums as his life becomes all the more satisfying with their company. Eventually his guest is jailed for being an illegal immigrant, and the professor fights to have his new friend released. Jenkins is perfect as the aging, lonely, unsure professor, whose relationships form the foundation for this film. As he struggles for his friends he learns more about himself and his place in the world. It’s a disarmingly fresh and inspirationally warming film that speaks volumes about the need for human relationships, romantic or not. Yes, I was on the verge of crying multiple times during this film (REAL men admit it!), not out of sorrow but from reveling in its open sense of life and the sheer beauty of its well portrayed characters. This independent film is simple proof that the mainstream blockbuster (i.e. Iron Man or Dark Knight) is not often the most rewarding film. One of the best of the year so far.
Keywords:
Immigration, New York City, Sentimental, Charming, Endearing, Funny, Great Ensemble Cast, Ethnic, Cry Inducing, Timely, Simplistic, Independent, Inspirational, Friendship

Here’s a trailer for The Visitor if you’re interested:


- MEMENTO – (2000 – R)
Dir:Christopher Nolan; Star:Guy Pearce
Creative, yet pretentiously pointless backwards style movie involving murder and revenge and such. If you know the end before it starts, and the story of how these ends are achieved is so unattractive and depressing, why would you ever want to sit for two hours to figure it out? Contrived to say the least. More evidence that Christopher Nolan should be slapped in the face.
Keywords:
Timeshift, Depressing, Violent, Blurry, Pointless, Anticlimactic, Pretentious, Overpopular, Dark, Brooding.

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9 Comments on “Christopher Nolan Sucks; Wall-E; Thank God for Indies”

  1. megan Says:

    Joker> Batman. Why was Batman such a douche?

  2. patrick Says:

    Wall-E totally looks like the robot from “Short Circuit”… minus the cheesy 80’s style of course

  3. indianamike Says:

    yay comments! Joker IS better than batman, batman was a douche cuz of his raspy voice and rich bastard lifestyle.

  4. evamae Says:

    -i want to see the visitor
    -i will not read wall-e till i watch it myself
    -i appreciate the douchebag picture of nolan
    -i admit i saw Batman just for heath. he’s hot in the cell..

  5. indianamike Says:

    …and really good in the movie…

  6. julien Says:

    You’re so bitter.

  7. Michael Says:

    haha, I just have a medium sized hatred for Christopher Nolan

  8. Pacze Moj Says:

    “A DIM TWAT”

    (page 134)

    INT. DARKNESS – NIGHT

    CHRISTOPHER NOLAN swings his cape, turns, and darts off into the cold, dark, black darkness of the dark, black night.

    The music swells.

    EMOTING (V.O.)
    Because he’s the director Hollywood deserves. But not the one anyone needs right now. And so we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not a hero. But a shoddy filmmaker. A pretentious wanker. A… Dim… Twat!

  9. Michael Says:

    Haha! Glad to know I’m not alone! Press on budding screenwriter!


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